I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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