I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
