If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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