what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
