Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
