It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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