I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's shark week go big or go home
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
