That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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