Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
