I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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