When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
