he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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