If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
