Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
