I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
