I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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