ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
