a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
