Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
