Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
