Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
