watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
