the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
