Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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