Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
