I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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