People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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