i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
