Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
