You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
