I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
