there's paper in my vomit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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