i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
