everyone is single if you try hard enough
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize