we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
