I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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