I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
