Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
