Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
