omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
