but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
