We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
