btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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