So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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