I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
