So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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