remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
