sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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