watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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