I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
