You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
