the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
