Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...