you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
