My liver just broke up with me...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.