So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt