Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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