He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
