Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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