I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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