he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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