If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
